[M] Chapter 8 (1/1)

VIII His scars “That was my first instinct -- to protect him. It never occurred to me that there was a greater need to protect myself. Innocence always calls mutely for protection when we would be so much wiser to guard ourselves against it: innocence is like a dumb leper who has lost his bell, wandering the world, meaning no harm.”  ―  Graham Greene, The Quiet American~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  Days goes by, and more than two weeks passed, after Kyuhyun stopped Ryeowook from the suicide. Days started to get longer, as spring was almost ending, giving a summer a space in this year. Weather was getting warmer, making people start to wear summer clothes instead of fluffy, warm ones. They would open their windows for a fresh, summer air. Choose places where they will spend vacation. Clean their homes and gardens.Time passed really quickly for Ryeowook’s point of view. He still remembered, when Kyuhyun pushed him away from the bridge’s railing, away from the cold water of the river, away from death. Yet, Ryeowook is still close to the last one. He still thinks of it, not that often, yet he does. Kyuhyun’s presence made his forgot about the past a little, but Ryeowook still living in it. He still live in the past and remember everything, as clearly as if it happen yesterday. Ryeowook didn’t forget about his job too. He wondered if some of his clients searched for him, or found some replacement. Do they still remember him? Will he needs to get back to this work, or finally cut all ties with it? Ryeowook wondered about it, not because, he wanted to come back to this profession, he just felt like a burden to Kyuhyun, who is working and bringing money that he spend. Ryeowook though that Kyuhyun will eventually threw him away some day and Ryeowook will go back to his old self. He fears it. He don’t want it.Ryeowook was currently in the kitchen making a soup for diner. Kyuhyun teach him a lot in this past days, and Ryeowook was like a genius, who absorbed everything and made something good, even better day by day. Kyuhyun made Ryeowook stops fearing the oven- frying was the most horrid thing from Ryeowook’s point of view.He turned the oven off, when the soup was ready. He poured the soup on the bowl and put it next to Kyuhyun who was sitting at the kitchen’s island, reading a book.“Here.” Ryewoook said proudly.“Already? Thanks.” Kyuhyun said and took a sip. “Good.” Kyuhyun took another sip and Ryeowook sat opposite of him. “So how much fingers did you cut today?” Kyuhyun asked and Ryeowook showed him his right hand, where, on the middle finger, a white bandage was.“Just one.” Ryeowook said proudly. Corners of his mouth twitched in an invisible smile.“You are getting better.” Kyuhyun praised, making Ryeowook look at him, with almost smiling face.Ryeowook couldn’t smile that freely. That one time was like a pure luck, Kyuhyun assumed, because Ryeowook could barely even twitch his lips in an invisible smile. He would do it, when he is proud or happy. But it’s not a smile, like the last one he gave, when Ryeowook cooked for the first time. It’s a mere substitute of a smile.“I will be gone for a two day. I need to do something.” Kyuhyun said casually, when he ate the soup, reading the book again.Ryeowook looked at him, trying not to show shock on his face. Kyuhyun finally informed Ryeowook about his sudden disappearing. These past weeks, Kyuhyun disappeared two more times, without saying anything. But right now, Kyuhyun told him beforehand.“Oh, I see.” Ryeowook tried to sound casually, yet a trail of sadness mixed with happiness, over the fact that Kyuhyun finally informed him, was heard in his voice.“Yeah, so don’t wo…wait for me. I will be back after these two days.” Kyuhyun said, making Ryeowook wonder if the taller man knew that he was worried, but didn’t wanted to say it. Kyuhyun went out pretty late that day, leaving keys and money for the food on the kitchen’s table. He left Ryeowook with his phone number in case something really important happen. And there, as Kyuhyun closed the door after him, the comfort, warm and light left Ryeowook as well. The room in which Ryeowook was currently sitting, get suddenly dark, cold and unpromising. These made shorter man shiver, as realization what without Kyuhyun, he is in the darkness. Without Kyuhyun, he is in his past self.He lay on the sofa, as darkness creeped closer to him. He could feel a cold touching his bare skin, making him shiver. And he closed his eyes, surpassing tears, but a few escaped, when darkness embraced him, draw him closer, pulled him into darkness, into his past and deepest of his nightmares.He suddenly heard noises. People yelling at him, cursing at him. And he winced, when he felt a invisible punches, pain in his body.“Please stop.” Ryeowook murmured at no one, but noises and pain just increased as he fell, in the abyss of his horror- his past.And Ryeowook cried alone, because there is no one to embrace him, to hush these noises. There is no one to cling onto.Ryeowook finally managed to fall asleep, yet it wasn’t a comforting one. He tossed, whined and cried in his sleep, as even there, his nightmares hunt him.  He woke up late evening next day, but despite sleeping that long, he felt like he didn’t sleep at all.He took a shower and relaxed, when hot water run down over his sore body. His hunting past and nightmares lessen, almost disappeared, making Ryeowook sigh with a relieve.He made something to eat, realizing that the fridge is almost empty. He needed to go out to buy food and was glad, because he needed a fresh air, to easy his mind, as well.When he ended eating, he took money; Kyuhyun gave him, and went out. He made sure to lock the main door property, then headed out, to the nearest supermarket. He bought the most important things. He tried to look and buy in discount, because he doesn’t want to spend all mone