Lightless [chapter I - il (1/1)

Chapter I: Illuminated  Jonghyun swallowed and blinked once, twice and as he turned around at his spot before the counter in the kitchen, his fingers clutching the red mug with steaming tea, his ears picked up the sound of shuffling feet in the hallway. The apartment was dark, apart from the moon shining through the blinds opposite from where Jonghyun stood. He swiftly turned his eyes to the ticking clock on the wall, oh how Jonghyun hated the sound of time passing by, and squinted his eyes as he read 02.46 a.m.. He pushed himself off the counter and moved to the dining table, allowing himself a better view of the hall. Jonghyun could have known it was Kibum, by the way his feet took unsure steps and his hands grazed the wall for support. And as he watched the dancer stumble slightly, his body jerked forward, hot liquid spilling over the rim of his mug and onto his trembling hands. He bit his lip and sat back, his fingers throbbing painfully from the tea he spilled over them. He willed his breathing to calm and took a sip of his tea before quietly setting the mug down on the table behind him. Kibum had neared the end of the hall and the wall that supported him till now, took a sharp turn to the right. Kibum sighed and slowly moved his quivering hands from the wall to limply hang beside his body. And as he took a step forward, into the lightless living room, Jonghyun watched him with concerned eyes. One step, two, three, four, six and Kibum muttered a curse as he stubbed his toe against the dining table. If Jonghyun reached out now, he could touch Kibum’s shoulder, but he referred from doing it and let Kibum stumble to the kitchen. He raised his arms in front of him and released a trembling sigh of relief as his hands met the cool surface of the counter. Tiptoeing, he reached out and in an attempt to open the cabinet, grabbed nothing but air. Jonghyun heard Kibum groan before trying again. After the third time, he managed to find the handle and slung open the door and felt around for a cup. The sound of glass clinking echoed throughout the living room and Jonghyun couldn’t help but slightly cringe at the harsh sound. Kibum smiled as he found what he was looking for, a thick porcelain cup, heavy in his hand, and lowered himself and, with his hipbone glued to the edge of the counter, padded over to the sink. He turned the knob and water gushed out of the tap. Kibum moved the cup around the sink until he felt it grow heavier in his hand as it was filled. He turned off the water and leant back against the sink as he turned around. Jonghyun swallowed and stared into Kibum’s down-casted eyes. The moon shone on his face and his porcelain skin seemed to glow in the light, almost appearing translucent. Steam rose from Kibum’s cup and surged up in swirly motions Wait. Steam? Jonghyun had barely registered the thought as Kibum took a sip of his presumed cold drink, and gasped as his lips were met with burning hot water. His body jerked in reaction and his fingers lost grip around the ear of the cup, and as it fell onto the ground and broke into a thousand little pieces, Jonghyun sprang up and took three full strides, careful to not step into the remains of the shattered cup, and touched Kibum’s shoulder. “Are you oka-“ But was cut off as Kibum started visibly. He twisted his body away from the counter and Jonghyun, but his heel caught the carpet beneath the table and chairs, and with a shrill shriek, Kibum felt himself falling backwards. His head caught the end of the table and he landed on his back with a painful grunt. Jonghyun could only stare in shock at Kibum’s unexpected movement and watched with wide eyes as Kibum fell on his back. Kibum, meanwhile, tried to calm his breathing and carefully sat up, rubbing the back of his head. He inhaled shakily and closed his eyes, willing the pounding in his head to go down. He grit his teeth and slightly raised his head. “Why didn’t you say you were here?” It came out harsh and cold, and the unforgiving words cut right through Jonghyun’s immobilized state. He quickly made his way to the fallen boy and knelt beside him. He placed a shaky hand on Kibum’s arm, but the latter shrugged him off with a ‘don’t touch me’. “Okay.” Jonghyun’s voice sounded small, helpless, and Kibum stiffened. “Let me help you.” Jonghyun offered and grabbed Kibum’s wrist, but the dancer violently pushed him away. Jonghyun, not expecting the frantic move, fell backwards on his butt. “I don’t want your help!” Kibum shouted and stretched out his arm above him, searching for the table to hoist himself up. When he found the piece of furniture he pulled himself up and felt a wave of dizziness hit him. He swayed a bit to the side and his other arm quickly shot out to steady himself. “I don’t want anyone’s help! I’m perfectly capable of handling myself, Jonghyun!” His legs quivered beneath him and he felt like throwing up. He heard a door open at the end of the hallway and grit his teeth as Jinki’s worried voice reached his ears. “Go away! Leave me be! Go away!” Kibum screamed and Jinki halted midstep. He looked at Jonghyun, whom was still on the floor, the broken pieces of a cup and averted his eyes to Kibum. “Kibum, let us help yo-“ “No! Go away!” His breathing came out laboured and his eyes were wild and frantic and Jonghyun thought he’d never seen Kibum so vulnerable, so unguarded before. He saw his legs and arms tremble with anger and probably pain from his fall. His lower lip quivered and harsh lines were carved around his eyes and mouth. “Kibum.” Jinki pleaded but Kibum turned away, rejecting. “Just go.” Jonghyun heard Jinki hold his breath and freeze beside him. He hung his head and bit his lip and Jonghyun saw pain flicker through his eyes, the same pain he’d experienced not two minutes before, and couldn’t help but reach out and link his forefinger with Jinki’s. He squeezed it lightly before standing up and proceeded to clean up the mess. He grabbed the brush and dustpan standing under the sink and bent down to swipe up the broken pieces of porcelain. “Kibum-“ “Are you both dea-“ He started but Jonghyun beat him to it. “We’ll leave,” He paused and swallowed “If that’s what you really want.” Jonghyun looked up from the ground and saw Kibum nod slowly and Jonghyun nodded in return. He threw the remains of the broken cup in the trashcan and walked over to Jinki, who gave him a worried glance. Jonghyun took his hand and, with one last glimpse at Kibum, escorted him out of the living room and into his bedroom, before retreating into is own. When Kibum heard the last door close, he released a breath he didn’t know he was holding and closed his eyes. He dug his fingernails into the hard wooden table and felt hot tears well in his eyes. His legs finally gave in and as he sank to the floor and laid down on his back, a harsh sob left his mouth. He brought his hand to his chest and his fingers clasped around the soft material of his sweatshirt. Another sob left him and he felt the first tear leave his eye and trickle down his cheekbone, into his ear. More and more sobs wrecked his body and he brought up his other hand to cover his mouth, but that still didn’t help to still the agonizing sound. And as Kibum opened his eyes and turned his head towards the windows, the moon shining brightly and illuminating his pale face and eyes, he could see nothing but darkness.