Mon nom (1/1)

... "Itch" his voice protested against my continuous drinking . Drop by intoxicating drop I washed out thoughts of failure, improper self-judgment but not hatred, oh not at all."Itch" he called out again, for only god knows which time, leaning his elbows on the bar.I finished another drink, feeling the bitterness in every inch of my existence literally killing off my brain cells.I raised my hand to win bartenders acknowledgment, and he evidently gave up on even asking what I'd like to order .He just put another one of those fancy glasses in front of me and didn't miss the chance to give another worried look to Taehyung on the go. I rolled my eyes as I took the first sip, my tongue giving up on even trying to recognize what I'm pouring into my throat, as it ripped it like a shiny razor."Itch" he tried again.His voice made me twitch my shoulders and even my body temperature rose as it violated my ears.The only purpose I had, the only goal I set, the only chance I was given - he ruined it all.With such ease he interrupted my finale and made it his own.Selfish, immature kid, that's exactly who he was. I never gave any importance to our mutual relationship nor did I give him a permanent place in my life, but at least I knew what partnership was. He was supposed to respect me if nothing, after everything I let him do and witness. "Daehyun!" someone yelled too loud for my current state, and frankly - it took me a few moments to accept that he was the one who just used my name, let alone abused it in such an unflattering tone."What?" I calmly asked right after another sip"What are you doing?" he dared to ask"I'm drinking.""What are you doing?" he repeated, and I was getting sick and tired of his psychological techniques of making me say what he wants to hear "I am drinking" I repeated as well, letting alcohol meet my tongue once againHe reached for my glass, and since my reflexes were slowed down to this extent, he took it away."What are you doing now?" he asked after I turned my head to finally give him a look"I'm being interrupted" I said, but my voice wasn't as steady as it sounded in my head We looked at each other for a while."You weren't going to do it." he surprised me.I reached for my glass but he slid it away."You think you know everything, don't you?" I asked him as seriously as I was able to"If everything means your intentions and weaknesses, than for the most part, positive - I do." The coldness of his tone and his glowing ego filled me with such undefined feelings, I couldn't even recognize them let alone form into a definition."I don't want to discuss anything with you." I replied and tried to grab my drink again, but he moved it anew."We should go home." he said "That's only half-correct, you should go home."He sighed and I congratulated myself on making him annoyed."Get up, or do I need to carry you?" he intentionally poked "Son of a.." I started, but he already hopped off the barstool and turned his back on me which without any proper reasoning made me ten times madder. Maybe it was the fact that he was right about my decisiveness, or the lacking of it - to be precise.I hated that he was right more than I hated his mare existence, but I hated both with flaming passion without a doubt.In this state of mind I was able to construct a detailed list of everything I hated about him. Usually I banned such thoughts from my mind, because it would scare me how much attention I'd have to pay on him to actually eye them, but in this exact moment I didn't care about literally anything. It was the way he walks,that first came into my mind as he made his way.towards the exit right in front of me.His shoulders would move along with his steps in such a flowing motion it annoyed me beyond wording. He'd make big steps and it'd look like he concentrates on each and every of them as they were always mechanically identical. How could his mind be set on something so absurd as step measuring when he lived the life he did?I hated him for the way he appeared in public places like this. He carried a certain aura of safety and people would find comfort or settlement in him easily. Like this bartender who randomly asked him about his shirt and it led to a chit-chat conversation, or the girls in the corner who eyed him since we stepped foot into this place, and most of all my own self, who let him into the apartment without a second thought and stuck around him ever since. His physical features annoyed me most of all. His asymmetric eyes, his reversed smile, and his lean fingers he'd use to tap against every flat surface he'd lay his hands on.He was nothing but a bunch of flaws and cons.And to think he dared to call me out in his mystical fucking way, which also made me cringe instantly,oh, it just made me grit my teeth.I followed him through the door, though it wasn't clear to me why I chose to listen to his orders.Not that anything was clear to me, my vision being the perfect example.He stopped suddenly, the moment we stepped out of the bar.The cold air made me get goose bumps all over, and my body shook from the breeze."Stay here." Taehyung said suddenly, and I frowned instantly giving away my confusion.He walked off to somewhere and I followed him with my eyes, my legs cemented to the spot he left me at.As he approached our car I saw that he was approaching a certain crowd as well.Three or four punks, I wouldn't bet on my vision, hung around my car, and if it wasn't for the one sitting comfortably on it, I might even fear a little bit of danger. I was sane enough to, however, recognize teenagers playing bad boys on a parking lot. Taehyung, of course , wouldn't miss a chance to show off which just made me angrier, though I thought it would be impossible. But when a gun shot tore the muffled bar music up, only god would have been strong enough to make me stand in place . I didn't want to get carried away with thoughts of running, so I estimated walking fast would be my current limit. After, what seemed like a century, I got to the vehicle, no one but Taehyung was there. That is, if you don't count the knife laying on the ground before us."W-what" I stuttered both on my words and feet "What'd you do idiot?""Ease up with he insults" he brushed me off, collecting the knife and putting it in his pocket"What did you do?!!" I shouted in agony, on the edge of my, already stretched, nerves."I didn't do anything, relax." He said with a hint of a smirk"Don't make me ask you again?" I tried to stay calm, approaching him slowly "Nothing, relax. The kid took the knife out so I took out my gun and shot one in the sky, just for warning sake." He even smiledI'd choke him for the quirkiness his attitude carried, but I just tried to count to ten instead."Prick." I tried to articulate, but it came out like a mumbleSince I have lost all of my energy, I just leaned onto the car and rested my eyes on the skyline for a bit.He joined me without an invitation and sighed as an intro to whatever he was about to say.I sighed as well, as an intro to my disapproval of it, in advance."The stars, aren't they such an absurd thing to imagine."I said nothing, but I was sure he'd continue."They are further than, per say, north pole, and yet you can see them.""That's just a fucking stupid observation" I stated We stood in silence for a few moments, until he decided to ruin it, as his habit made him do a lot."Stars don't make impact on anyone's life, and yet so many people hold onto them as symbolic meanings of hope and dreams and future."I wasn't exactly sober, but my thinking was proper enough to disagree."You forgot about the Sun" I saidHe looked at me, questioning my reply suddenly"Without it, it would be dark all the time. Flowers wouldn't bloom and trees wouldn't grow. I'd say that's an impact for sure."He still said nothing and remained concentrated so I continued."And I'm a living example of someone not putting their hopes into something as stupid as stars."I sensed heavy irony in his upcoming laugh."Please..." he rejected my elaboration"What?" I shot, getting angry with him again"Everyone wishes upon stars.""I guess I'm not everyone then." I mumbled He looked away, and I thought this conversation was over, but of course - it wasn't."Don't you know what you'd be doing without me?"He suddenly asked"I'd live a peaceful life most probably" He giggled. "Don't you know what you'd be doing without me, Daehyun?" he repeated, like he always does.I sighed."You'd be making me out of those stars you're looking at, that's what you'd be doing mate."Im not exactly sure which part of this sentence triggered me in the way it did. Could have been the tone, should have been the arrogance, but most probably it was the insecurity it built inside of me.If we weren't in a place as crowded, I'd probably shout into the blackness that the sky was, until I've lost my voice and my bitterness.Instead, in less than a second, I grabbed him by his shoulders, turned him around and made his face meet the cold steel of my car. He was only able to let out a low toned "Ahh!" as my fingers found their way into his hair, grabbed it by it's core and slammed the left side of his face into the shiny surface. "I think it's about time you get put into your place" I growled as he struggled beneath me"You might have ruined my chances of becoming what I wanted to become, but trust me, you're not going to mess with my authority."He made a struggling sound as he closed his eyes. "Y-you, you don't know what you want to become, s-start acknowledging the problem!"Oh, he triggered me again. I pressed his face against the car even harder."Stop!" I shouted"Stop!" I screamed"What? Stop what?" he voiced as loud as he could"Pretending that you know me so well!" I growled "I do know you!" he shouted, brawling under my tight gripHis hands trying to push me away, but my drunken mind gave me strength he wasn't used to"I do fucking know you!" he shouts again, one of his hands blindly finding a way to my belt and suddenly taking a hold of itWithout even a second passing, I released him, and by reflex - jumped a step or two backwards.He turned around right away, running his fingers through his violated locks. He looked at me with a dash of something new and unknown in his eyes. He tilted his head to the left, licked his lips as he thought about something rather seriously, before making his stature steady again and straightening his back.

"Just get in the car" he almost whispered, but I didn't need to hear it to know what he was about to say.

I watched him get in and sit in the drivers seat from a safe distance.

He gave me another look and then leaned back into his seat.

I just stood there, feeling as sober as ever.

Regardless, a bucket of ice cold water could pour onto my head and still it wouldn't make things clear.

To be quite honest, I knew nothing anymore, and I just needed a cigarette.