Chapter 1 (1/1)

Every morning I wake up and immediately look at my phone. Is there a Facebook update? Instagram? Twitter? Weibo? Anything? Just a sign that he is alive is all I want.It’s been the same routine for 3 years now. Ever since she died, he disappeared from the face of the planet. No sightings, no news…and it seems like everyone moved on. Well, everyone except me.There has not been a single day that I have not thought about him. You would think after a year of no news, you would move on and get on with life but something…something just sticks. I’ve been to a psychiatrist thinking I am mentally unhealthy but it turns out that I am completely sane…just very heartbroken. After the consultation, I came to the fact that I will never get over it and will always wonder where he went. I won’t ever be in a relationship nor will I be able to have a family.I will just be stuck in this bubble called Kwon Ji Yong.At the young age of 26, I feel like a widow already.Well, I’m late for work but I don’t feel so bad about it because I had to go pay my respects. Today is the 3-year anniversary of the fatal car accident that took the life of the most beloved Sandara Park. It is also the date that took the presence of G-Dragon aka Kwon Ji Yong.I remember that day and moment so clearly. It was BigBang’s 10 Year Anniversary Concert...*FLASHBACK*Yes! I’m finally front row after standing in line for 2 days. I took a look around…everyone is so pumped and light sticks were banging like crazy. TOP waving at everyone. Daesung smiling and moving his hips way too much for his own good. Seungri throwing hearts and kisses to everyone. Taeyang dancing like his life depended upon it. Then...there he is…G-Dragon (I call him Ji Yong…he is too personal for me but stage wise he is G-Dragon). His energy harmonizing with the other members is what is making the show so memorable. The energy in the dome was beyond real. I’m following the members as much as I could throughout the stage but my eyes always go back to the one and only Ji Yong.Finally, it was time for Haru Haru. Now my eyes are super glued to Ji Yong. The dedication to the VIPs and his passion all flowed through his voice. The emotion of this song with his and the members, it was so magical.I love the group as a whole…they each have qualities I greatly admire but Ji Yong was a different story. I will admit that he is a very good looking man but so is every other member. My attention was drawn to him since I was young, following them for a little over 10 years. Ah..to be 13 again…those times were wonderful. I remember I had to beg my mother for money to see BigBang or I threatened to go on dates with old men for money. But now, at 23, I have something called a job and made my own money while attending school. Being 13 and first seeing Ji Yong was not anything spectacular…you know boys had cooties. The moment you find out someone’s history is where you become attached. Finding out how important music was to him and following his dream, I became mesmerized. He became my role model…and here I am today 10 years later continuing to support his dream while accomplishing my own. OH! Fan chant time! I am singing as loudly as I could to the chorus of Haru Haru. Well…he must have heard me because suddenly, his eyes made contact with mine. Maybe I am being delusional but I felt an electric spark.  Our eyes were steady for a good 30 seconds but then…his eyes went blank. Huh? As soon as he said, “Say Goodbye.” He gave a big scream clutching his heart and crumpled to the floor. The members rushed to him and the stage went dark. I am beyond confused and worried. Is this part of the act?! Is Ji Yong okay? I am legit freaking out. Then all the lights came on and someone came onto the stage. “Good Evening VIPs. We would like to apologize for the inconvenience but the show will convene momentarily.” It was BigBang’s Manager, Soonho. What in the world is happening? Tears are streaming down my face from fear of what happened to Ji Yong. There were shouts of concern and confusion coming from the audience. Soonho moved to the side of the stage but I was able to still see him. He was hesitating to continue and was talking to his ear mic.  It looked like he was arguing. I am so close…so I was able to read his lips. Ji Yong is in shock. The members are in tears. What is he in shock about? Why are they crying? What is going on? I repeated that over and over again. I saw him sigh and walk back to the stage to announce “BigBang is preparing for the next stage, thank you for understanding!” and he walked off. I think I saw a tear all from his eyes too.Since they will be back on in a few, everyone ended up on their phone waiting. The look of shock on everyone’s face scared me. Everyone was glued to their phone reading.