It Doesnt Matter (1/1)

It was past one in the morning. The rain was falling hard and could he heard hitting the roof's tiles. The night view of Seoul had never looked so dreary to him before.  Bang hugged his knees to his chest and let the rain flatten his hair and soak his clothes. He was sat on the roof just outside his window. It was only the first floor so it wasn't to dangerous, but still. His eyes were focused on the lights in the distance. It was lucky that his room over looked the city but it didn't sooth him as much anymore.  He heard on the news three months ago that Zelo was now in America. Bang tightened his hold on his legs and rested his head on his knees. He held back his tears, letting them fall continuously didn't do anything. He'd only just started talking to everyone again.  Bang lifted his head up again, some raindrops now clinging to his eyelashes. He traced he new scar on his chest near his left shoulder. He could feel it since his black wife-beater didn't cover it up. Tears stung at the back of his eyes and he shook his head to try and clear them.  His heart clenched again, the pain overtaking his senses. The last time he lost Zelo, he was still in Seoul and he could easily get him back. But now he was in the USA, and with his mother. Even if he chased the teen down, Zelo would never come back. Bang felt the tears roll down with the rain.  "Three months..." He whispered to himself. Zelo would be seventeen now. His eyes were now downcast and his vision was blurred. He never thought that a feeling as painful as this actually existed. The cold rain and wind were starting to make his body shiver, so he decided that he should climb back through his window.  He shut the window after him and turned to look at his empty, unwelcoming bedroom. He sat on his bed and looked down at the spot that still had some blood stains. Without thinking he touched his lips; Zelo had kissed him that day. His precious first kiss, he'd given it to Bang. The leader glanced to his side table, the silver choker sitting on it. He decide not to move it, he wanted it to be a memorial.  "You would have thought he died, with the way I'm acting." Bang stood up and wiped his eyes, he didn't care that he was soaked to the skin by the rain. He left his room and walked down the cold corridor.  His journey to the bottom of the stairs was quick, missing every other step. He walked straight into the kitchen, obviously it was empty due to the time. Bang sighed and searched through the fridge until he found a bottle of beer. He looked at for a second effort he threw it back into the fridge and walked over to the cupboard instead.  He grabbed a bottle of whiskey and a glass. He poured himself a generous amount before he took both items to the table. He sat down and drank in absolute silence. The bottle of whiskey was half gone when a small knock on the door broke the silence. Bang looked up and saw Heechul looking at him with concern obvious in his eyes.  "Yongguk? Do you know what time it is, it's twenty past two in the morning." The elder walked in slowly and sat down beside the leader. Bang was just watching him with red eyes, from tiredness and tears.  "I seriously don't give a shit." He took another gulp of whiskey; swapping from using the glass to just sinking from the bottle.  "I know you've been drowning in alcohol nearly every night." Heechul pulled the bottle away from the younger. Bang didn't protest, he let the poison be taken. "Are you okay?" Bang nodded his head slowly. Heechul sighed and wrapped an arm around the leader. "I hate when you lie to me." He brought Bang into a soft hug and the younger didn't protest like he usually would.  "Heechul..?" Bang voice was quiet, "have you ever loved someone?" Heechul smiled slightly and kept the hug in place.  "Once. But that was a long time ago in high school." He gently grabbed Bang's head and brought him to his shoulder. The leader didn't fight back, like he normally would, and let his head rest on the elder's shoulder.  "What happened?" Bang asked, his voice still a lot quieter than usual. Heechul sighed and tried to think back, it was quite a long time ago.  "He returned to China. I never saw him after that, but I regret not confessing back the. " he chuckled and stroked Bang's wet hair. "We're quite similar." The leader closed his eyes, though his voice was a little louder than before. "We both couldn't confess, and then we both lost." He felt tears in his eyes; he didn't stop them as they leaked out. Heechul wiped the tears gently; Bang wasn't afraid of crying in front of Heechul. He was the only family he had left.  "I'm sorry that he left." Heechul hugged the leader again. "I hate seeing you so broken like this. Even after three months, you're still not getting better." He held the younger close and refused to let go. Bang leaned his head on the elder's shoulder again.  "It doesn't matter." He spoke roughly before pushing the elder away gently. Heechul let go and sat back, searching Bang's eyes. "What I want isn't important."  "Of course it is!" Heechul raised his voice a little but not to much. Bang shook his head and looked to the table.  "If he hates me, I wouldn't never beg him to stay." He clenched his hands on his thighs. "It doesn't matter if I need him here. He doesn't need me." Bang got up from the table and walked towards the door.  "Yongguk, wait." Heechul got up and approached the younger. Bang had stopped in the doorway, like he was frozen. Heechul walked past the younger so that he could turn around and see his face.  Bang was looking down to the floor, his hands still clenched. Heechul sighed and hugged him again, tighter than before. "You really love him, don't you?" He kept his voice calm and soft. Bang squeezed his eyes shut and hugged the elder back, lolling his head on his shoulder again. "I haven't seen a cry this much, not even when your parents died."  "Thanks Heechul." Bang pulled away and smiled weakly. He shoved his hands into his soggy sweat pants and walked back down the corridor. Heechul watched as the leader walked away; he turned to his own bedroom and wondered if