Chapter 18 (1/1)

"Dae-Daesung! Wait!" I shouted, flinging the door open and ran after him down the hallway, "Daesung- wait- stop! Daesung stop!"  He ignored me, continueing to walk briskly away. I quickened my steps, determined to catch up with him. I am not losing a friend like this. Not someone who saved my life.   "Daesung stop! PLEASE!"  He halted, back facing me, his head bowed, shoulders heaving. My jog slowed down into a walk as I approached his back slowly. Trembling, I reach out an  unsure hand to tap on his shoulder gently, as if afraid that something would erupt. He jerked suddenly as my fingers made contact with his sweater as he turned to face me immediately.  His face was paled, his eyes dull and sunken. His dry lips cracked into a smile. Not his usual warm smile that caught my eye since our first meeting but a smile of self-mockery.  "So its Jiyong hyung isn't it?" He croaked, his brown eyes searching into mine, full of disappointment.  "Its not what you're thinking-"  "I saw everything." He laughed, "Everything.." He added, whispering as he dropped his gaze, his smile of self pity still hanging on his lips. "So please, spare me from the lies."  I swallowed, unsure of what to do. My heart raced urgently under my throat, screaming at me to say something. Say anything that could savage our friendship. Find an explanation. But I couldn't. My tongue is tied. He's right. I would be lying if I denied. I liked Jiyong. and we're together. We didn't tell him. It is our fault.    Daesung looked up, his brown fringe falling over one of his eyes, waiting for me to speak. I hesitated, struggling to find the right words but what came out finally was..  "I... I'm sorry."  Pain flashed across his face for a second as he grimaced slightly. I bowed my head, guilt washing all over me. Why am I always hurting people who cares about me? His eyes wandered around the ground where I had fixed my eyes on before whispering, "You know that's not what I want to hear..."  "Daesung, I'm sorry. But I really can't-" I began but hw cut across me.  "You knew how I felt. Towards you. You knew."  I opened my mouth again but words failed me. He was right again. I knew how he felt. A lump formed in my throat as I struggled to speak.  "I'm sorry.." I repeated stupidly.  "How long... Has it been?" He asked hoarsely, eyes empty.  "Since..." I winced, taking a deep breath, "Since the day you guys got the Daesang.."  He blinked hard, lips parting slightly in shock but no words came out. Instead, another hollow laugh escaped from it and cut swiftly through me.  "Look, Daesung. Listen to me.." I said determinedly but his eyes stared straight into mine, shaking his head numbly, his mouth forming a no as he backed away slowly.   "Wait, listen to me, please." I insisted, my hands grabbing his sleeve instinctively. His eyes travelled down to my hand and my eyes again. I know he's listening. "I'm sor-"  "Stop it."  "No, let me finish! I'm sorry that I didn't told you from the start, Daesung.  seriously am. I shouldn't hide it from you."  "Don't be." He mumbled, "I'm not important anyway."  "You are important." I cut across. "You're one of my.. Only friends.." I whispered, "If it hadn't been you, I'd got run over by that motobike that day. If it hadn't been you, I wouldn't be standing here talking to you right now. I wouldn't break free of my shell, that stone wall that I built around myself. Dae, you're.. You're so important. I don't want to lose you.."  He looked up. Silence filled the air as I fought to keep my eyes looking at his. After a moment, he sighed heavily as his shoulder slumped again. "You love Jiyong Hyung.."  Say it. My brain ordered. Say you don't love Jiyong. Quick! My brain yelled. Say it so he wouldn't feel this hurt. You owed him. Now tell him you don't love Kwon Jiyong at all. Do it.  My lips parted as I prepared to lie but my words choked in my throat as my heart stopped me. You can't lie to him anymore. You love Jiyong, and he knows it. Stop lying to him. Hadn't you hurt him enough?  Daesung continued to stare at me, as if waiting for me to say something. Hoping, for me to contradict him. But instead, my response was to bite my lip and bow my head.  "I'm right..You love him, Kyungmi..." He repeated weakly, "You love him, don't you? Answer me."  "I.." I said, biting my lips even harder as I stared into his broken eyes. I can't. I can't lie to him anymore. "I love him." I admitted softly.  I could almost hear the sound of his heart breaking through the heavy silence that followed. This is how I repay Daesung in the end. I lied to him and broke his heart.  "I'm sorry.." I whispered, unsure of what to say no more. I can't defend myself, nor do I intend to. I'm the evil one here. He's so pure yet I could do this to him. He doesn't deserve to hear another word from me. I can't bring myself to face him any longer so I turned my back on him.  Walking away slowly, I closed my eyes in guilt. This is it. I thought. I lost one of the only 3 friends I have. Tears of remorse filled my eyes as each step got heavier. But suddenly, a pair of hands grabbed me from the back, securing me tightly in its embrace, refusing to let go.  "What are you-" I gasped.  "I know hyung has got everything I don't.." He croaked, his breath just by my ear, "And I owed him so much. Without him, I'd probably be just.. A normal person. But Kyungmi, I can't- I can't let you go-" His voice broke as I whimpered softly, struggling a little in his grasp. I shouldn't do this. It's not right. I can't do this to Jiyong either. "I can't let you go!" He cried a little louder, gripping me tighter in response to my struggles. "I'm willing to.. give up all these.. For you. Can't you give me a chance? Please? I'm begging you.." He pleaded softly.  And a drop of moisture landed on my shoulder.